I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
