What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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