The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
