Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
