the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
