Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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