Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
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