So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
