THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
