My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
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