Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
