They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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