its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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