Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
