Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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