it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
