If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
