I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
