found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize