3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just tell him i said nine months
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
