i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
