My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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