The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
