You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
