she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's always time for handjobs
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
