Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
