You tried to poop in the sink last night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
