i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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