I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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