cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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