I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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