So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
