When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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