i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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