I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
