You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
