I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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