The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
