I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
