I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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