You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
