But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
