I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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