hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
