I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
