I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
