my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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