I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
