You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
