Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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