Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
