trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
