I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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