Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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