can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
