why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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