The maid of honor just puked.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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