i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My pussy is not your playground.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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