drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
