From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
