if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
