Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
