I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
