so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
