two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
