dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
