So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
