He is such a slut. More and more my type.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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