So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
