I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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